Steam
rolled off the boiling wort on the stovetop while Gary,
Walt, and Eunice lounged
nearby, on the backdoor porch. The afternoon brewing session had gone
smoothly, and the three were rewarding themselves with a pint of their
own homebrewed maple porter. Brewing guru Charlie
Papazian advised homebrewers to, "Relax. Don't worry. Have a
homebrew." Of course, all three took his words to heart, but Walt
always seemed particularly keen on the notion.
Periodically, Eunice returned to the kitchen to gently stir the burbling concoction. The way the hops roiled from the bottom of the kettle to the top mesmerized her. Back on the porch, Gary was pelting Walt with ideas for brewing a beer with adjuncts such as corn and rice while Walt hummed his approval and watched the sun sink behind the horizon.
By the time the beer was cooled and drained into the primary fermenter, the night breeze blew through the screen of the back door, stirring the fresh beer aromas around the kitchen and causing Walt’s spikelets to rustle.
“This yeast is a tad outdated, but I think it’s still viable,” Gary claimed as he sliced open the top of the swollen smack-pack. Eunice and Walt watched him slowly pour the yeast into the neck of the fermenter, conjuring up images of a mad scientist adding that final element to his alchemistic elixir. “We can always add another pack of yeast if necessary,” he stated with a note of finality.
Several days passed, when the beer should have begun to stir about as the yeast consumed the sugars and released alcohol and gases. Unfortunately, the reddish-brown liquid remained still. The three homebrewers went about their daily routines, keeping a watchful eye on the thoroughly boring fermenter of beer.
On the fifth day, however, a startlingly thick head of foam suddenly appeared at the top of the beer. The airlock was rumbling more loudly than a pack of Harleys. Gary, Walt, and Eunice stood around the fermenter pondering this turn of events. “That additional pack of yeast I added this morning was fresh, but I didn’t think it would work this quickly!” Gary hollered over the gurgle of gases rushing furiously through the airlock. Eunice’s eyes widened. “You added yeast today?! I added a fresh pack of yeast yesterday!” she trilled. Just as Walt raised a pointed finger and started to explain that he, too…
BAMM!!
Despite the painful loss of an entire batch of beer, they couldn’t help but laugh as it sprayed out of the fermenter and rained back down, drenching them and the kitchen floor. Walt sloshed over to the cabinet, pulled out 3 pint glasses, and sighed, “Thank you for the wisdom, Mr. Papazian.”